Thursday, September 30, 2010

Still No Real Breakdown Yet...

...but I'm sure it's on its way...!

My last almost real breakdown came when I was on my way to school after a week of feeling completely overwhelmed by papers, lesson plans and extraneous teacher duties. I kept thinking that I was not made for Special Education, I'm not a miracle worker and there is just so much to balance for one person.

Well, that was last Thursday and I got over it. But, today is a new Thursday so that brings another almost real breakdown. I went to my co-teaching MOD this morning when my students were taking their second unit assessment. As they began to turn in their tests, I checked over their answers and returned their tests if they had wrong answers. (And they all did.)

While I did not give my students the answer, I wanted to probe them to give me the answer or at least an idea that they kind of got what we have been talking about for the last 30 days. A lot of them struggled. We were working on fractions, decimals and percents.

I gave a student back his paper and I turned my back to him. I wanted to cry. How can my students (even general ed) succeed with more complex topics when they cannot grasp a fourth grade basic skill?

This led me to wonder how in the world I got as far as I have in my education when my students have not. Is the education they have received up to now really that terrible? And if it is, then PGCPS needs good teachers more than ever. And I would like to be one of those teachers, but this environment is so unstable and disorganized, it's wearing on me and I can't imagine staying more than the two required years. I want to, but I don't know if I can actually take it.

On another note, MD IEP training makes me want to hurt myself. PGCPS, all because you throw technology and PD at us doesn't mean that it's well-used technology or good PD.