And I mean, without killing myself over it.
I came across this clip from The Onion via Mr. Teachbad's blog. And I ask myself, do those who don't give a crap (and straight up let you know that they don't give a crap and then their parents echo the same sentiments) deserve my effort or time? My answer: kind of. Under different circumstances, they might've given a crap. They shouldn't be punished for being molded to not give a crap. On the other hand, I haven't adopted all of my parents' values (to their dismay) and I believe that sometimes, you can say, "Mom, that's nice that you don't care about your education or mine, but I do, so no, I can't watch Jersey Shore and Teen Mom with you, I have to do my math homework." It's all very nature vs. nurture, but I believe that as individuals, we often provide our own nurturing and we often do have the conscious ability to mold and shape ourselves and it is just BS to say that our kids are programmed robots who "can't help" the way they are. B.S.
People (who are not teachers/don't seem to remember being teachers of the trenches) are constantly telling me that I need to engage all of my students and that I need to plan lessons that, basically, can take them from apathetic, unmotivated youth who are well on their way to, well, no where (and I'm not trying to be harsh) to college-ready leaders of the future.
Yes, yes. That's lovely. And as silly as it kind of sounds to me now, that "mission", if you will, is exactly why I came into teaching.
What I hate about this amazing year I've had is that administrators have asked me to move some of my high basic kids to proficiency and in my head (and sometimes out loud), I laugh. Are you joking? The kid cannot even remember his name sometimes and you want me to teach him to remember 6 months of math facts and skills? I also hate that I am at the point where I "teach those who want to learn." The worse part is that I don't see how I can't. I don't feel that I have the time to try to convince the "others" to learn, while able and willing students are waiting on the side lines. Prior to the magic of PGCPS, I would have said, "We need to move and believe in every child." In a way, I still believe that... but I can't apply it to PGCPS. I desperately want to believe in every child's ability to achieve and their ability to actually care about their education and I desperately want to be a good enough teacher to actually make a measurable difference in their lives, but with the time crunch, the focus on standardized testing, the pressure... I'm just trying to stay afloat ...while some of my students sink.
In some ways, I am happy that I have had experiences that have taught me that a well-meaning individual isn't going to be able to change a broken school system in a year. In some ways, I am saddened by the fact that the improvement isn't that easy. As adults "guess and check" solutions (and quick fixes) for our schools, how many students are going to have to suffer as guinea pigs? Really, how much potential are we losing? Most of all, I wonder if a really good teacher could get my students to invest in their education, straighten up their behavior, engage them in issues bigger than themselves, and last, but certainly least, raise their MSA scores and grades.
So here's the thing: I'm just trying to survive my first year of teaching. I feel that I have been able to remain surprisingly upbeat about the lack of support I feel I receive and the state of PGCPS. I'm trying to improve the education that my students receive. I wouldn't say that I'm trying extraordinarily hard or my best. Because as it is, I am exhausted. And how easy it is to deny apathetic, sometimes rude and disrespectful children the same help and education that I provide to other students?
Sometimes, I feel justified in my actions. I have a student who, because of his emotional issues, has missed a lot of assignments and in-class information, because he comes into class angry and unable to participate, despite my speaking to him in a calm (but firm) voice and despite my use of reason. One of my class rules is "Rise above it." I really try to stress that as much as I can. I made a t-shirt to wear to class to show that I really believe in it. Every day issues are so minute that if you let them affect your life, you're going to miss out and regret it. I always say, leave it at the door and take what you can from the here and now (or something more middle school appropriate). But that reasonable talk doesn't usually work with him, so I let him stew in the back of class. I don't allow him to go to his favorite administrator because a hissy fit should not signal a fun trip to the office where it's sunshine and butterflies. I try to tell myself that I'm teaching him life. (And admittedly, I'm also trying to "win" and say, "You want to be miserable? Well, you can sit right here and do just that.")
Seven months ago, I believed in the ability of our education system to rise.
I believed that a good, well-intentioned teacher could inspire children to seek and fulfill their full potential.
I still believe those things, deep inside, under a hardened shell of cynicism... I look at the kids in my school who are starting fights, talking about gangs, writing hateful things about each other in the bathroom, wondering the hallways during class as they continue on their path to no where good, and outright telling me that they don't care that their county is the worst county, educationally... (and then some...) in the state.
And I wonder, what will it take for this type of school community to rise? And how am I helping it there? Sometimes, I wish I was teaching high school so I could talk to my kids about these kind of serious topics...
fellow, I don't that the struggles faced here exist in a PGCPS bubble. Although there are different circumstances and challenges here, i don't think that all of the problems faced would magically go away in a different school or a different county even. don't let your optimism turn to cynicism yet. that is the path of the 20 year teacher. in your first year, survival is part of the game. also, i do not think that ll your troubles would go away in a high school setting. you might try having these conversations with your students and be surprised what comes back at you. in regards to your like lesson student, you are doing the right thing in not letting him go to the office. too many students think that throwing a fit i a great way to get out of class, and that probably is his endgame. just keep working to connect and eventually you will see some progression. perhaps ignoring him is the way to go for a while. maybe there is something that he is interested in that you can work into class somehow. either way, know this: 5 weeks of flowery-cheerleading training is not enough to get new teachers prepared for what is in store in the environment that some of us find ourselves in. we will only get better with time, and if good teachers with, good intentions stay honest and true, we will be making a difference in our student's lives. maybe your angry student will not be proficient, but maybe by the end of the year, you'll get him to do some work, and that in itself will be a gain.
ReplyDeletegoo luck and may the force be with you.