Square One

So a couple months ago, I was all "In your face, PG, I'm outta here!" I submitted my resignation and took my certification and walked ran out of the county. Since then, I have not ventured into PG, with the exception of College Park, where I went to school and am currently camp counseling.

And now, here I am - August - almost wishing that I didn't leave that black hole of education and character.


I know what you're thinking. Geez, harsh words for PG.

Well, you try teaching there for two years.


But, still, it was better than unemployment. (As I type those words, I wonder if I'm telling the truth.) Due to my family infrastructure, unemployment doesn't mean homelessness (thank goodness), it means that I'll move back in with my parents as I make attempts to plot my course from here. It's still not plan A, though. Plan A was to find a good school that I could spend the next few years really learning and growing at, and rediscovering my belief that public education can be good and can mold students into positive forces of society. Plan A was to give teaching the chance that PG never did or could.

After applying to two public school systems and two charter schools, I have been rejected by both charters (though on a positive note, made it through to two interviews for both, which is better than last year - which begs the question, am I becoming a better teacher or a better actor?) and haven't yet heard anything from the public school systems. School for the masses starts in just under three weeks. Of course I'm trying to stay optimistic about the possibilities, but at my core, that's not really who I am. I'm an anxiety-ridden, obsessive compulsive mess. I'm about ready to take the first job offered to me.

On the one hand, I'm glad to have had the option of leaving a job that I was truly unhappy at. At times I was so unhappy that I think my feelings were borderline depressive and passive-suicidal. No one should ever work a job where they feel that unhappy. And yet, so many individuals out there, I'm sure, do for the sake of their family and the duties they must fulfill. On the other, I would have liked the option of living independently from my parents and all that comes with that. And of course, I had some fun plans for this school year on integrating science content and character development.

I still want to teach for at least the next couple of years and I will definitely spend the next weeks applying to more charters, but as of yet, it's looking like I will spend the next year deciding if I want to apply to teach again or completely abandoning the profession to re-explore career possibilities in the sciences. Finding life purpose is exhausting.